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HUUmans at Home October/November 2001
HUUmans at Home
October/November 2001
Issue 23
A UUA Related Organization
Member, National Home Education Network
Member, Rose Rock Inclusive Homeschoolers
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In this Issue
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Editor's Note by Teresa Willingham: Caught in the Web I thought about how to start this issue, searched for words of wisdom or sorrow or insight to share and not a single thing came to mind. As a matter of fact, almost nothing of value comes to mind. My mind, like the minds of many people around the world, feels benumbed by what happened September 11, when terrorists hijacked four airliners, attacked and destroyed the World Trade Center towers in New York and a wing of the Pentagon in Washington, DC, and by the start of war that's hard to comprehend. At the time of this writing, almost 5000 people remain missing and presumed dead from the terrorist attacks. More than 200 were killed in the hijacked aircrafts alone. Heroism and horror have gone hand in hand for a month now, a numbing, heart- wrenching, mind- boggling month full of statistics, solemnity, speculation, saber rattling, religion and politics. And I have nothing to say about it. Nothing you haven't already thought of or said yourself, at any rate, I'm sure. Nothing that would add to the global discussion - no rhetoric, no vision, no warning, no speculation of my own that is any different than what has already been flung out into the ethers a thousand times from a thousand different directions. Outside of informed political, religious and scientific insights from select areas, much of the discussion I've heard amounts to little more than fearful and uneducated commentary. For better or worse, most of us know very little, really, about the depth and magnitude of what goes on around us in the world. And so, to my mind, it seems pointless to try to discuss it. To learn more about it, to educate ourselves as much as possible about the myriad issues surrounding our current situation, sure - to try to discuss it with any degree of intelligence or knowledge without truly being educated about it, however, seems - at least to me - fruitless. The only action that seems to bear fruit for me out of the barren heartache I feel, is some sort of personal commitment or contribution. I can donate blood and I can donate money, of course. I can join the Red Cross. And at a much more intimate, personal level, I can also be kind and charitable in thought and action. I can visit the restaurant down the street owned by the Middle Eastern family and smile at them; they can tell me about their family in New York and cuddle with my son, whom they love, and look at books with him. I can hold a door for someone. I can help someone carry something in a parking lot. I can smile at a stranger. I can be patient with small inconveniences. Basically, the most important thing I can do is to try to reach down deep inside myself and find my place in history in all this, and try to make my tiny part of the web safe and stable, so that the connected webs of those nearby will also be safe and stable. We are, of necessity, caught in the web because we are part of the web. We may not always like the actions of those at distant parts of the web, or at crucial intersections, but all we truly have any control over are the threads of our own making. And we must take special care of those threads, particularly where they touch upon the threads of others. And so I have nothing to say that you don't already know, nothing to add that you couldn't add too. All I can do is reassure you that I'm taking care of things as best I can on my end of the web, and that I will do all I can to strengthen and preserve the connections I share with each of you. It's a big web. Together, we can reinforce the weak areas and strengthen the whole for those who come after us. There is, I think, at least some measure of comfort in that. Terri Willingham Many, many thanks to our wonderful contributors, Jackie Boone, Camille Sobun, our copy editor, and Gwyneth Butera, our Web Coordinator! |
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UUA News: DATELINE: (Washington, DC, Sept. 12, 2001 - 9:00 AM EDT) An Open Letter from the Rev. William G. Sinkford President, Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations September 12, 2001 Dear Friends, The events of this week have shattered our sense of safety. Many of us are in shock. Many of us are afraid. Many of us long to know what to tell our children. Some of us grieve the loss of friends or loved ones. All of us search for our response as people of faith. The images of destruction will not allow us to escape. The collapse of buildings mirrors a collapse of confidence, rocking the fragile foundations of our lives. Our world will never be the same. Our work to heal ourselves and to heal the world seems puny in comparison with the destruction we see. How shall we respond? First, let us hold in our hearts and in our prayers the families of those who were killed and wounded in New York, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania. Let us stand with those who grieve and those who wait the long hours for news of loved ones. Let us know our fear, but not allow it to overwhelm us. For most of us, life normally seems safe and secure. But people in many parts of the world, and many people in our part of the world, know violence and potential violence in their daily lives. The terrorist attacks are being likened to the bombing of Pearl Harbor, a day that "will live in infamy." Pearl Harbor did galvanize this nation into action, and my hope is that this tragedy, too, will impel us to address the brokenness of our world that makes violence an imaginable solution. Remember also that Pearl Harbor led to the impounding and imprisonment of thousands of innocent Japanese Americans. There are Arab and Muslim communities in this country and around the world that grieve as we do, and fear as we do. I hope our congregations will reach out to those communities and stand with them. We must seek justice and, as our President says, to punish those responsible. But retribution will not create safety, nor move us toward justice. This tragedy tests our faith. Where is God in this? Where is the Spirit of Life? May our congregations be centers of support where we can bring our questions and our fears, where we can find the presence of the holy in our coming together. Yours in faith and hope, William G. Sinkford What Do We Tell Our Children? Thoughts from the Rev. Meg Riley Director, UUA Washington Office September 11, 2001 What do we tell our children? We listen. We hold them. We tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever." If they are very young, pre-school aged, tell them, "Parents and teachers keep children safe." Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever." If they are old enough to be aware that this happened, but not really to understand the specifics of what happened, ask them, "What do you think? How does your body feel?" Then listen to their specific feelings and reassure them. Don't answer questions they don't ask, but do listen for the questions behind the questions. They may want to be reassured that there are grownups who love them and will take care of them, no matter what. Tell them, "Let's not watch TV tonight; let's go to church and be with our people!" Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever." If they are old enough to understand the facts of what happened, and want to process why it happened, tell them that sometimes horrible things happen. Tell them that, while every person is inherently good, sometimes people get angry enough and scared enough to do very mean things that hurt other people. Tell them that we don't know yet who did this, and that it is important to respect all people while we take the time to figure it out. Tell them that a small group of individuals did this-not a religion, not a country, not a person who looks a particular way or has a particular kind of name. Tell them about a time when you were a child and you were afraid because of something scary that happened-the Cuban Missile Crisis, Three Mile Island, another tragedy. Ask them how they feel about what happened, and what they are wondering. Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever." If they know someone who lost parents or other loved ones in the tragedies, talk about what it means to support a friend. Remind them not to gossip, but to speak directly to their friend or acquaintance and acknowledge the loss. Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever." If they go in their room and slam the door and talk on the phone to their friends, if they say "It's no big deal. Why does everybody want to talk about this. We already talked about it all day at school" slip a note under their door. Tell them, I am going to church now to be with people whom I love and trust. I wish you would come with me. I want to listen. I want to hold you. I want you to know I love you. I love you forever. As parents, we want nothing more than to protect our children from pain, from fear, from harm. As parents, we know nothing is more impossible. How we handle our own grief and integrity will speak volumes to our children about how to be a human being in a troubled, broken, world. May we be worthy of this most sacred charge that has been given to us. Forever. |
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Homeschool News from around the Nation: More and More Muslim Americans are Choosing to Home-School By Ephrat Livni From ABCNews.com, New York, Aug. 23 A devout Muslim since her conversion to Islam 10 years ago, the 25-year-old Columbia, S.C.-mother is directed by her religion in every aspect of her existence, including her 5- year-old son's education Saleem is the founder of the Palmetto Muslim Home School Resource Network, a Web site that helps Muslim home schoolers locate information on everything from buying books to choosing a curriculum to learning the laws of their individual states. She was a full-time home-schooling mom until an Islamic school was established in her area this year. The value clash between the teachings in public schools and her religious beliefs, coupled with the scarcity of Muslim schools in her region, left her little choice but to educate her child independently, she says. Today, her sentiments are shared by thousands of Muslim Americans, the fastest growing group within the national home schooling movement There are 1.7 million American kids who won't be going back to school this September, but instead will be home educated. While home schooling has its origins in parents wanting to provide religious instruction to their children, the movement is growing by 7 percent to 15 percent per year, according to Brian Ray, the president of the National Home Education Research Institute in Salem, Ore., as more Americans with different ideologies choose to educate their children as they see fit. Passing on Values "Home educators aim to create an education in which the parents' values and beliefs are passed on in an easy way that the factory school model cannot deliver," says Mark Hegener, publisher of Home Education Magazine, of Tonasket, Wash. Religion, however, is still the main impetus for home schooling. Currently, some 75 percent of home schoolers are Christians who "consciously and conscientiously want to promote their own values," says Ray. The increase in the size of the American-born Muslim population in this country, the rigorous demands of the faith and the difficulty for public schools to accommodate the needs of the religion, all help to explain the rise in home schooling among Muslims, proponents say. Experts estimate that Islam is the fourth largest religious group in the United States today and by 2010 may displace Judaism, the third largest group which today represents 2 percent of the population. Protestants currently comprise 58 percent of America and Catholics, 26 percent. Scott Sommerville, staff attorney for the Home School Legal Defense Association, in Purcellville, Va.. says only about 5,000 Muslim home schoolers exist now, but predicts their numbers will double every year over the next eight years. Barring the implementation of a nationwide school voucher system - which would convert state and local education dollars into individual scholarship certificates for parents to spend at schools of their choosing - he believes 60,000 Muslim children will be learning at home by 2010. "There's a growing need to teach moral values and conduct to Muslim school children," says Ibrahim Hooper, spokesman for the Committee on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) in Washington, D.C. "That's traditionally what has happened in the Christian community." Keeping Customs While Educating Value clashes with the public school system spurred Saleem to home schooling. "The public school system is not accommodating to Muslims,"says Saleem. "Especially around puberty, there are a lot of tenets that they have to adhere to, and interaction between boys and girls is greatly frowned upon." Further, Islam requires its practitioners pray five times a day, which means interrupting the school schedule, and emphasizes modesty. "The girls get a lot of flack from their peers for having to cover up funny and boys sometimes try to pull off their covering," explains Saleem. She says teachers sometimes penalize girls who are quiet in class, unaware that in conservative Muslim families they are taught not to speak in mixed sex society. Additionally, Muslim school children cannot always participate in seemingly harmless school activities such as raffles and, eventually, as Muslim home-schooling mom Cynthia Sulaiman puts it, all the explaining to teachers and school officials gets to be tedious. She opted out before it became a big issue, saying, "I could see [trouble] coming." An Attleboro, Mass. resident, Sulaiman has been educating her four children, at home for five years now. She is the founder of the Muslim Home School Network Resource - another Web site offering Muslim home schooling parents advice, assistance and support on home educating the Islamic way. "You have to know your limits," Sulaiman explains, adding that she only teaches at home until the eighth grade. Her eldest daughter now attends a private high school. The younger children are still at home with her, and their curriculum includes Koran, the Islamic holy book, along with the usual math, science, reading, writing, geography, and her family's favorite, history. Their schedule varies, depending on what extracurricular activities are planned on a given day. Extracurricular Activities Like many home schoolers, Muslim home-school children are often very involved in extracurricular activities. The Sulaiman children all take swim classes and Tae Kwan Do, the boys are on a local football team and are involved in gaming clubs, and their mother says they are well-adjusted. "My kids are for the most part more enjoyable than kids who come to the house to play," she says. "They are known for being 'good kids' in the neighborhood." Because home schooling laws and requirements vary from state to state, and every family is individual, each home schooler does it differently. Many Muslim moms have turned to the Internet for help in deciding exactly how to go about teaching their children. They chat online, exchanging curriculum and activity ideas, as well as their fears and hopes about the responsibility they have taken on. "We live in a society that holds us accountable, so I would not put my family in a situation that would stunt their growth," says Saleem, who follows a mixed curriculum. But she knows some American Muslims who feel so grossly misunderstood that they abandon American education altogether, basing their curriculums exclusively on studies from the Koran and other classical Arabic texts. Others, however, receive material from the local schools and censor what they consider blasphemous. "No one is unified on what approach to take," says Saleem. Opinions Differ on Results Home-schooling advocate Ray is not certain method matters. "Not matter how you cut it, slice it or dice it, research shows home school kids are doing better [than their private and public school peers]," he says. In fact, a new three-year study out of the University of Durham in Scotland shows home-educated children significantly out performed their school contemporaries in literacy, mathematics and social skills. The top three finishers at the national spelling bee this year were educated at home. The national teachers' union disagrees. In 1999, the National Education Association issued a home-schooling resolution, stating, "The NEA believes that home schooling programs cannot provide the student with a comprehensive education experience." Association spokespeople refused further comment. The U.S. Department of Education also refused to comment on this story. Ray says homeschoolers - whether New Age or conservative Muslim - also tend to face a lot of resistance from relatives, friends and neighbors. But Fatima Saleem is not answering to her neighbors, and she doesn't want her child lost to the secularism that rules this society. She does, however, want him to succeed, and expresses a sentiment many parents, regardless of their religion, likely share, "We're just trying to fit the pieces in a huge puzzle. We're all caught in the dilemma of what to do with our children." |
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Words from our Churches A Defining Moment , Rev. Dr. Marni Harmony First Unitarian Church of Orlando September 16, 2001 From the words of Gerard Manley Hopkins: I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day. What hours, O what black hours we have spent This night! What sights you, heart, saw; ways you went! And more must, in yet longer light's delay With witness I speak this. But where I say Hours I mean years, mean life. And my lament Is cries countless...BR> SHALOM, SHALOM, V'EIN SHALOM. Words from the prophet Jeremiah. "Peace, peace, when there is no peace." "Grant us peace, thy most precious gift, O Thou eternal source of peace," say the words from the liturgy of the Jewish Prayer Book. "Enable us to be its messenger unto the peoples of the earth." And in the words of St. Francis, "God, make me an instrument of thy peace." In this longing, today, I must believe we are all united. In the middle of the 19th century, the great Unitarian minister William Ellery Channing cried, "Must the sword devour forever? Must force, fear, pain, always rule the world? Is the kingdom of God, the reign of truth, duty, and love never to prevail? Must the sacred name of neighbor be only a name among us? Must the divinity in our nature never be recognized with veneration? Is the earth always to steam with human blood shed by our hands, and to echo with groans wrung from hearts which violence has pierced? Can you and I, my friends, do nothing, nothing to impress a different character on the future history of our race? You say we are weak; and why weak? It is from inward defect, not from outward necessity. We are...faint within,-faint in love, and trust, and holy resolution. Inward power always comes forth, and works without....Go forth, then, friends of humanity, peaceful soldiers...and in your various relations, at home and abroad, in private life, and, if it may be, in more public spheres, give faithful utterance to your deep, solemn, irreconcilable hatred of the spirit of war." Are we at war? I don't know. It's a word we've heard this past week, and there seems to be general agreement that we are. For now, it's apparently a war against terrorism, a frightening, faceless enemy whose ways are based in fanaticism and hatred. I do not understand references to the perpetrators as faceless cowards. Would that they were cowards and would retreat when we mobilize our might. But human beings who have worked and plotted for years to try to destroy our great nation and who are willing to die in this service are anything but cowards. They are a cold, cunning, calculating, cancerous clan who feed on the poisons of fear and hatred and envy. May their seed and their feeding trough dry up; may the people of the world come to our senses and isolate these ghosts of evil. As I said on Tuesday night, many of us are torn between our deep commitment to nonviolence and our knowledge that hatred poisons the human spirit...and our deep, fierce anger that this has happened. An anger that is strong enough that we cannot help but have thoughts of revenge; we want to see the perpetrators-the masterminds- brought down and punished. I suppose that needs to happen. That would serve the cause of justice. But I grieve the form I fear that punishment will take. I hope to God we will not squander our energies on revenge or retribution. Some of you will vehemently disagree with me. That's ok. The deeds are done. The horror is real. The horrific results are real. Isn't it time we learned that hatred begets hatred; violence begets violence.? Can't we decide to stop the spiral of violence now? Just refuse to perpetuate it. And pray, I mean really pray, for an end to violence. Does the world want to see an America that becomes obsessed with punishing anyone who challenges or hurts us...or might the world want to see an America that lives up to the greatness of our ideals and stands firm for freedom and understanding and peace? Shall we be obsessed with pinpointing blame or walk the much more difficult path of trying to understand cause? Does the world need us to be the source of further hatred and violence or of love and mercy? Not a naive, passive mercy that just hopes if we love enough this evil will go away. But a wise and active mercy that is clear and firm in containing the cancer. Have the chickens, indeed come home to roost? Are we reaping what we have sown? I went back to a little book written by Dom Helder Camara in 1971 titled Spiral of Violence. In it he writes, "If there is some corner of the world which has remained peaceful, but with a peace based on injustices-the peace of a swamp with rotten matter fermenting in its depths-we may be sure that that peace is false. Violence attracts violence. Let us repeat fearlessly and ceaselessly: injustices bring revolt, either from the oppressed or from the young, determined to fight for a more just and humane world." (Pp.33-34) Please do not hear me saying "we deserved it" or that the hijackings and attacks were justified. I am emphatically not saying that. I do not walk with Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson. To state, as they did, that the attacks were brought on because of gays, lesbians, feminists, pagans and the ACLU is as unbelievably stupid as it is, unfortunately, believably warped and incendiary. Put these guys out to pasture, please. But I do wonder at my own wisdom in trying to do anything but offer comfort this morning. Yet, God help me, I have to ask aloud, How many towers have we knocked down in Baghdad? What country was it that dropped the first nuclear bombs on civilians in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? What country herded Native Americans like cattle along a Trail of Tears? And were there not people in this country who cheered when we bombed Iraq and spoke of "winning" a war that killed civilians and devastated an entire ecosystem? Wittingly or not, we are far from innocents in creating this culture of hate in the world. I stand utterly incredulous when I hear people ask, "How could anyone hate us this much? Or why?" Where have these people been? Is our true greatness-and I believe this is a great nation-based on the power to meet attack with attack or might it be our true greatness to model for the world the ability to take our justifiable rage and horror and transform them into the strength to stand against violence of any kind? Might that stand not signal to the world that it is time to end the cycle of violence that everyone of good heart-and that's most people, my dear ones-longs for so desperately right now? I understand that we must protect ourselves against the very real and present danger of further terrorist attacks. I understand and reluctantly accept that we must figure out a strong response that will undoubtedly involve loss of life. But I wonder what would happen if the US, along with the sustained and necessary military strategizing, were to stand up TOMORROW and say to the world that we sincerely and deeply regret our arrogance, our insensitivity, our blindness to past wrongs wrought by our misguided imperialism? If nothing more, I wager a major blow would be dealt to the worldwide anti-American sentiment. For people of my age coterie, the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. were defining moments in our lives-that is to say, events that anchor our whole perspective on life. I know where I was and who was with me, and I still carry the deep pain and disillusionment in my heart. For a younger group, the explosion of the Challenger was a similar defining moment. One of my first thoughts upon hearing of Tuesday's unimaginably horrific events was that the day would become a defining moment for a new generation. But as I have sat and mourned and let the reality of the events sink in, I realize it will be a defining moment for all of us. All of us. The dead and the injured and their families are far from the only victims of this week's terrible events. The circle is wide enough to include all of us in this country; all of us, I think, who are citizens of this planet. We are all wounded for the rest of our lives. We will carry the particulars of this lived trauma in our bones from now on. We are a nation, and indeed a world, that has been robbed of our most basic sense of security. We are, as some commentators have said, living in a new country...indeed a new world. There is a particular and unique personal pain that most of us here have been spared: we did not lose a partner or mother or father or child or co-worker or neighbor in this carnage. While we must hold in our hearts and prayers the unspeakable and unique individual human losses, it is important to say that every single one of us is affected by and a victim of this evil. No one of any conscience remains untouched. Even as we grieve, even as we try to make sense of the senseless, please remember to notice the moments of heroism and beauty. It is a remarkable theological truth-out of the ashes of evil WILL rise the spirit of beauty and truth. We have seen it already. Think of those on Flight 93 who had the presence of mind and greatness of spirit --in the face of terror and the near certain knowledge of their own death-to make a successful effort to thwart the hijackers from making another hit on a vital part of our country. Remember the police and fire personnel who rushed into the first WTC tower in an effort to help, only to lose their lives as the tower collapsed. Hold up the individuals who, in the darkest hours of grief, conveyed information from phone calls from loved ones to officials that has helped to track down the hijackers. And hold up now the thousands upon thousands of persons who will be actively involved in the healing and rebuilding. I pray that what also arises out of the ashes is a deep humility. Humility is utterly and uncompromisingly necessary in a worthy world leader. There are good reasons to be proud to be an American; but let our pride be tempered with a true understanding of our UU Seventh Principle--that we really are interdependent. We are not better because we're bigger; we do not have the right to do whatever we want to serve our own interests without thinking of the consequences for other peoples and nations. We are not great because we're wealthy; we are only great as we engage in actions that reflect our founding principles. Let us admit that we do not always do that. Let us admit that we fall short of our ideals. Let us admit that there are still things this 225 year old country needs to learn. We all want to do something. The somethings we can do are both small and great. Be together. Comfort one another. Life is too short for hate; please let it go. Take this opportunity to put pettiness in perspective. Pray. Pray for everyone. Pray especially that our leaders may somehow find or stumble into the wisest course of action. Pray for those planning future terrorist actions that they may find their way home to their hearts. And pray for the innocents-present and future-of this "war" on terrorism. Yesterday morning, my heart broke yet again reading of the climate of fear that is now so pervasive in the lives of people in places like Afghanistan. A teacher was quoted as saying, "We have suffered so much. Every night so many children go to bed hungry...What do we have to live for? Let the rockets come and set this whole country on fire once and for all." God, what despair. Please open your heart to the reality of this kind of suffering. Challenge bigotry. Patronize Arab and Muslim businesses. If you're in the market, please don't sell this week unless you also buy. If you need a concrete act, give blood. But remember that our nation needs spirit infusions as well as blood transfusions. Now, as perhaps never before, we must initiate-yes, initiate--conversations with our neighbors about what we, as Unitarian Universalists, stand for. Please learn our Seven Principles- memorize them. Do not miss an opportunity to talk about them and be guided to action by them. We must teach our children and our world, as we recite every Sunday, that hatred destroys the human spirit. We must teach our children and our world that violence is wrong. That violence is not an acceptable way of dealing with either conflict or frustration. Violence is fast; it's ugly; it's chaotic; it's frightening. We must help others truly understand what we know to be true: that the world we share is an utterly interdependent world; that what hurts one hurts all. Don't be paralyzed by fear, even if you're scared-and we are all scared. Go inside and find the fearlessness that may be the antidote to terrorism. And deepen and expand the love that is the only antidote I know to hate and fear. Strengthen your own equanimity and tolerance for not knowing what to do. Yet at the same time, remember that holding someone's hand IS doing something. Be gentle with others and with yourself for our wildly fluctuating emotions-we are all in grief. And while not being in denial about the true fragility of our situation right now, believe that we can and will find actions that cause the least further destruction and suffering. With all my heart I want to offer a hopeful word this morning. And yet the best I can do is to stand with you in shared horror and pain. The little bit of hope I cling to is that there are so many others as shocked and confused and hurt as we are. Maybe together we can dedicate ourselves to the work necessary to assure that it is more than just talk to speak of the preciousness of each child in our world. Maybe we will let this event speak to us about the need to change the conditions whereby radical evil, born of fear and misunderstanding and hatred, can arise. Maybe it will be this event that sears into our consciousness the resolve that the human community really must stand together or fall apart. Maybe it will be this horror that will turn us around. May it be so. AMEN, SHALOM, OM SHANTI, BLESSED BE. |
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Underground Mom By Jackie Boone Can We Be Real, Or Is It Too Painful? Have you ever had one of those days, months, or years where everything just seemed to go wrong? It's one of those times in your life that seems like the world just fell on you and won't budge. You know that dark cloud that follows you wherever you go. Well, for a while I didn't leave home without mine. Not long ago, I went through a really bad time with a friend, and couldn't understand why things suddenly went south (way south) for us. But for so long I blamed myself for things falling apart. I said something that really hurt her. So I have to put a sign on my body that says, "Caution, real honest words falling." That way everyone has full warning about how bluntly honest I can be. Yet by expressing my feelings and completely opening up, I hurt another's feelings. My mother once told me that some would love me for my honesty while others would completely hate me for it. However, I thought that friends were supposed to do that - be honest. But had I taken it too far? Or was I just not considerate enough? What is the proper way to be a friend? Or isn’t there a right or wrong way to be in someone's life? Months had passed, and finally, somehow, we began talking again. Apologies were made, but for me it was hard to dive back into that pool again. I had given my whole heart to this friendship just as I always do, and I had gotten deeply hurt. Fear had gotten a tight grip on me. I spoke with this person daily but things were left in the air as to if I wanted to be friends again. I couldn't trust anything, not even myself to open up again. But this friend was adamant and didn't give up on me. Gradually I let her in again, but it was extremely hard. I kept censoring ever word. I started thinking about every single word I would say even if the word was only “I”, “it”, or “to.” She told me that was ridiculous. So I listened, and started to try to allow our friendship to just be. Then it happened. One early morning she called to say that her home had caught on fire but she and her family were okay. Every day thereafter, she'd call. I could hear the fear and the sadness in her voice. Sometimes the pain was too unbearable for her to speak. Yes, she pulled on my energy and I mean hard. But I couldn't just hang up and say, "that's her problem not mine, let her deal with it." Friends don't do that, at least not this one. She didn't need comfort or support; she had that from family, friends, and neighbors. What she needed was someone that was going to be brutally honest. I couldn't hold my tongue. I didn't want to censor my words, but at the same time I was just as nervous and scared as she was because I didn't know if my words would hurt her. I just spoke from my heart. Even though she still isn't in her home, she has told me that she was grateful to have me in her life. Simply because, at a time when she felt helpless and everyone was generous, I was there telling her that this is how it is and that this is what she had to do. She loved that I was able to be the only one that was real. She cherished the candor. To this day she and I share a renewed sense of friendship that I am truly grateful for. When all seems hopeless and I (or we?) need a sympathetic ear or (we need?)to share in each other's achievements, she's there rooting me on. In this life there's nothing more important than having someone around you that has your best interest at heart - someone who will tell you when you're being unreasonable and help you see your way through it, and vice versa. I am so fortunate and so blessed. How about you? Do you have an awesome friend in your life that you're grateful for? Cherish them each day and don't let time get away from you without letting them know. If you'd like to share your thoughts or have any questions, feel free to email me (Jackie) at jakk@rocketmail.com. |
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HUUmans at Home
HUUmans at Home HUUmans at Home is a quarterly publication of UU Homeschoolers Contents reflect the views of the authors and are not necessarily those of any particular group of people. The editor welcomes submissions of articles, letters, media reviews and other items of interest to our readers. Inquiries and submissions can be sent to:
Email: Terri sparrow@tampabay.rr.com
Rights to all submissions to this newsletter remain with the authors. Permission is hereby granted for homeschoolers to quote from this newsletter in whole or in part with the requirements that this newsletter is properly credited as the source and that a copy of the quote is sent to the editor at the above address.
