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It's Drudgery Today
In March of 2001, a member wrote, "It's Drudgery Today..."
and members flooded our discussion list with support and ideas
to alleviate the angst of a day full of small children and chores.
"Okay. I need to vent. If you don't want to read it, hit delete quickly! :-)
"The secular homeschool group we attend just had their first class meeting
for this quarter today and my daughter attended her first Spanish class.
What was I thinking - I actually brought the two boys (ages 3 and
almost-1) in with us. It's a relaxed class of about 8 kids and the mothers
stay in there too. But, of course my two were being loud ruffians, so I
took them out.
"Then onto a playground, and an unscheduled quick lunch at Burger King
where the cashier was rude, they put meat in all our sandwiches against my
orders, and my children just wanted to stare at the TV instead of PLAYING
on the play structure.
"Then home, nap for the middle child and I think, hey, here's my
opportunity to do our homeschooling today. We've been using the Five in a
Row curriculum for about three weeks, and my daughter is being resistant
whenever we sit down to read the book. Today she is especially resistant.
(She'll be 6 in about three weeks, perhaps there's a parallel with the
birthday, I don't know.) I took the middle child up for his nap,
practically had to drag him bodily into the bathroom to empty his bladder
before sleeping, then as I'm leaving his room three things happen
simutaneously: the pantless and in-need-of-a-major-diaper-change baby is
doing a jail-type bang the tin cup agains the bars routine on the gate at
the top of the stairs. My daughter lets out a blood curdling scream from
the dining room below. And the doorbell rings.
"After taking care of all three I realize that in the 15 minutes I had been
upstairs with the two boys my daughter has taken it up on herself to make
a cake. On the dining room table. The source of the scream was an
invisible puddle of water beneath her workspace that had inadvertantly
caused her to skid to the floor.
"I don't lose my cool, and try to salvage the concoction. We add a LOT more
flour to the soupy mixture, pop it into the oven, and both clean up the
mess.
"So, we finally sit down to read our book for today all she wants to do is
make silly faces at herself in the glass of the hutch cabinet. This I
thwart by taping up a map of the United States to consult for our
geography part of the lesson today.
"We finally trudge our way through this long book ("They were strong and
good" by James Lawson - about his grandparents history, civil war, etc)
with baby Evan continuously serenading us from the floor and demanding
attention in his almost-one year old way. "Mamamamama......ahhhhhhhh...."
and he bangs on whatever happens to be nearby. (My leg, usually.)
"Then Blake wakes up, makes his way to the stairs and refuses to come down
until I walk up and carry him.
Then they are all three crying at the same time. And there are ants
scurrying through the crumbs that the baby has flung onto the floor from
his lunch tray. The kitchen is full of dirty dishes, and goodness, dinner
has to be made by somebody.....and my husband is making his way through
the first week of a new job where he hasn't made it home before 7 p.m.
even ONE night this week.
"So, I ask you, dear sister UU homeschoolers, does any of this sound
familiar?
Does anyone else have children who would rather play with toys or goof off
or do practically ANYTHING other than sitting down to do school work?
Does anyone else threaten their homeschooled small child that they're
going to send them back to school unless they start paying attention and
putting in SOME EFFORT?
"Or am I just overreacting?
"Please advise before I do something rash that may not be in keeping with
our UU principles. :-)"
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It's Drudgery Today Responses
Here's what members suggested:
- On days like you described, sometimes its just best to gather up the whole crew in your arms, throw a blanket outside (unless its cold, then just grab a good video or have an indoor picnic) and decide to just wait it out together, talking or singing or coloring (I grew to enjoy coloring a great deal!). Your kids are little...they spend enough effort just being kids to properly understand that any MORE effort is required of them for something as vague as "school" and "learning."
- You're not overreacting, you're being completely, passionately and wonderfully human and so are your children!! It's been said before but it's worth saying again: You can't (or rather, few can) do "school at home." At least not when everyone is under 10. All you can do is hope for a timely grasp of a meaningful learning moment, and model curiosity and interest in the world around you the rest of the time and hope they catch on. (Or that you'll at least make them feel they're missing out on something so interesting they'll threaten you if you don't tell them about it!)
- You'll get through this -- breathe deep, go barefoot and hug your kids a lot and it'll all work out! A glass of wine in the evening helps, too. :-)
- I am crying with you. We have all had days like that. I think you should be proud of yourself. You got through it. I would gently remind you that spring is coming. It is in the air and even up here in New York where it's still very gray we know good things are upon us and we all just want to be outside and free of the confines of the house.
- Since your daughter obviously is very independent and likes to cook a lot, consider getting the FIAR cookbook. My daughter balks at doing five in a row consecutively. We were doing it consistently in the fall, but then she got tired of it, and now she is asking for it. Good luck. Your a great Mom to remain so patient with all that chaos.
- Oh dear. I'm sorry to admit I was almost (but not quite) laughing as I read, but only because it sounds SOOOOO familiar. Fortunately, those days are few and far between, but they do seem to come in spurts. I have a six-in-December daughter, who also has her days when she's just not into it. I'm sure a lot of homeschoolers would advise just taking the day off, but I know from experience that it doesn't work for us (she just gets crankier without something to do), plus I really do believe, homeschooled or not, that it is important to learn that some things need to get done, whether you "feel like it" or not. So, we forge ahead.
- What I will say is that, in our family, that kind of behavior tends not to be really about the work at all, but about something else that is bugging her and interfering with her concentration. For example, if we go to the park and she gets her feelings hurt because her preferred playmate doesn't want to hang out with her, she'll have trouble when we sit down to "work" the following day. Or, if I get involved in cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry and make her wait more than a few minutes past our regular time to get started, she'll be grumpy and irritable and inattentive once we do sit down. She also resents it if I don't really pay attention to her while we're working, like if I try to check my e-mail or pay bills at the same time and she senses that I'm not really listening to her. So, what I have learned is that, at least for my daughter, that kind of behavior is a cry for attention or help, and my first line of defense these days is to take her on my lap and really focus on her for a few minutes, asking her how she's feeling and if there's anything she needs to talk about. It doesn't always work, but I do feel like we are making progress.
- ...Hang in there. It will get better. And have faith that, however little you feel you're getting accomplished, it HAS to be better than school!
- I've made it a point to turn off the phones while homeschooling, and though I'm not very structured, scheduling out a specific part of the day that's just for hsling. My kids (7 and 10) love it when the phone is off, and remind me that I'm not supposed to be on the phone if I try to slip one in.
- On the other hand, I can remind them if they complain about the phone later in the day, that it's my time to take care of business, and that works too.
- I also find that it gets harder when we're out too much, running around for activities. I made sure we had a light activity schedule, but there are so many great things going on, that a few seeped into and filled up those down time spaces. Yesterday, we skipped a library board game day for hslers, and just stayed home. I had been away for the weekend, and we needed to regroup. We had a great day.
- We love 5 in a row, but some days it's harder to get into than others. Just thought I'd mention that we don't always read the book every day, if they've had enough. Seems to help my son to get into it if we just plunge into one of the topics, and flip through the book to discuss it. He didn't want to read Miss Rumphius yesterday, but was very into finding evidence of wind blowing in the artwork, and quizzing his sister on it.
- I have to say I do sometimes threaten with school, when they don't want to do even 5 minutes of work, and do feel guilty about that.
- A friend who started homeschooling this year, just mentioned that she when her 2 boys reach middle school, she's putting them back in, as she doesn't feel qualified or organized enough for the task. I intend to continue hsling indefinitely, but I do get panicky about it as they get older, especially when someone surprises me like that.
- I know how difficult it can be! There are so many things to get done every day, from all the house chores and errands, to activities and schooling, to time for yourself and your husband! I sometimes feel like I've finally carved a block of time to do lessons with Rachel, when Julia will wake up or lose interest in whatever was fascinating her and just wants me to hold her or read "Pat the Bunny" for the hundredth time that day...I just try to be creative. Sometimes moving all our stuff into my bedroom, the back yard, or even the bathroom, as crazy as that sounds, is all that Julia needs to divert her attention and give us another half hour of peace. Or I'll let her do something REALLY messy, like playing with water on the kitchen floor (she likes to wash potatoes, which means I have to bathe and change her, plus mop the floor when we're done, but it gets more school done.) Or I'll switch activities, like having Rachel read to me while I nurse Julia, or have her do an art project at the table while I play with the baby, or we'll practice musical rhythms with sticks/eggs/bells and Julia can be in on the band. Or set her up with something that she needs minimal supervision on, like workbook pages, which at this point she enjoys doing. I find that if I don't have a version of the day's lessons set in cement, I can get a lot done, even if it wasn't the original plan. I also write down everything we do that can be construed as schoolwork, so that I can minimize the feeling that we got nothing done. It adds up very quickly!
- As to Five in A Row, we use that, too, and I guess everyone has the same "problem," that their child doesn't like to read the story every day. I agree with the suggestion that you just dive into the lesson and use the stroy for reference after the first couple of days. I have also cut back on FIAR to1-2 times a month. Since it's suggested for 5-8 year olds, it's fine, because we did 3/4 of Volume 1 before January of this school year. I also agree with Amy's suggestion of getting the FIAR cookbook since your daughter enjoys cooking. It's also a wonderful family scrapbook and will make a great heirloom of your early homeschooling days.
- I guess my final opinion is that these days happen, and they'll be gone soon enough. When all your children can do their work with just some help from you, rather than you being the TEACHER all the time, won't you miss the chaos a little?!
- My question is: Does anyone else feel guilty when they can't do "homeschool"? Since Lily has been born, I haven't been able to spend the time with my older daughter, Sami who will be six in U July. It frustrates me beyond belief. I've really been considering private schooling for this fall, but really don't like that option. I think the best place for her education is here at home. How do you get past this?
- It is tough to try and homeschool with a baby around. Tough, tough , tough. But as I'm asking for and receiving e-advice on this loop I'm beginning to realize that we don't have to beat ourselves up if we don't exactly mirror public schools in our homeschooling. My almost-6 yr old daughter is at this very minute READING a library book to her 3-yr old brother, while the almost-1 yr old baby naps on my lap. We all sat down this morning and read our Five in A Row library book, looked at our world map and picked out the countries it named, talked about the vocabulary words we didn't know, made a list and defined them as we read, talked about boasting and why people might do it....and all this before a doctor's appt. for an ear infection at 10:15am. As I look back on it, it was a banner morning for us!
- My next question: Have you *all* been able to find compatible groups for your children?
- Yes and no. We attend a Thursday park playgroup for our homeschool group, but my kids so far have not made lasting relationships with new kids. They frequently play with the ones they already know. But I guess they do just join the group if there are only a few children there. I am lucky, though. One of my best homeschooling friends pointed me in the direction of this local group, and I rely on her a lot for other advice too. My middle child does attend preschool on MWF mornings, we have dinner and Brownies on Wednesday nights at church, and the kids go to R.E. classes on Sunday mornings, so there's some class-type structure there and they interact with the same children consistently. I also schedule a playdate for my daughter every Friday afternoon. Usually one of her old preschool pals. They come over when they get out of school. I'll say one thing about homeschooling. I complained so much about what I didn't like about public schools when Lena was there in kindergarten - too much discipline, too many kids, not enough art time, not enough playtime - so I took her out to afford her the opportunities to do more of what she liked and less of what she hated. However, much to my surprise, she very seldom heads to the art supply drawers in our dining room. Or cries for children her own age to play with. What I have seen is that in the past month she and her 3 yr-old brother have been playing a lot better together. And she has rekindled her interest in imaginary play with toys. I guess since the pressures of real school have been lifted she can do more of what her brain and imagination need to do to learn through play. And, watch out here's my epiphany, despite my own guilt about not being structured in my teaching, she really must be learning and enjoying herself.
- The above is what I've noticed most profoundly and found most rewarding in our seven years of hsing: the closeness of our family, and the richness of the children's imagination, curiosity and self-directed learning. I listen to siblings squabble all the time -- at church, in stores, on playgrounds. Our children rarely argue among themselves. Although they can get into a good row when they want to, they spend an extraordinary amount of time playing elaborate games of make believe together, board and card games, and just talking. The girls rarely exclude their younger brother from their activities, they all share well and work out problems well.
- Children seem to learn in spite of us! Last year, after a massive upheaval in our lives which included moving twice, and hardly any time for "formal" homeschooling, I took the kids in for their assessment testing with great trepidation. Although Chris showed the need for a little more time and work in some areas, he tested above grade level in general knowledge, and the girls tested out two or three grade levels ahead in science, geography, history and language arts. None of that was my doing!
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